Welcome to my blog, where I write about random topics. Use the "Posts by Tag" section on the left to view my posts sorted by the various interests.

Quote For The Day:

Showing posts with label Just For Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just For Fun. Show all posts
Sunday, March 6, 2011

Orbit Dirty Mouth Test 37


 
You son of a biscuit-eating bulldog
What the french, toast?
Did you think I wouldn't find out about your little doo-doo head cootie queen?
Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker!?
Pickle you, kumquat!
You're overreacting!
No, Bill. Oveeracting was when I put your convertible into a wood chipper.
Stinky McStink face!


...Fabulous!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Rainy Day

The sky is crying
see the rain
Falling past my windowpane

All the birds have gone to rest
Each one hiding in its nest

The sky is crying
see the rain
Falling past my windowpane

~a song Mr. Douglass used to play, and teach us to sing, in choir class in elementary school.... I always think of it on rainy days....
Thursday, January 7, 2010

Mondegreens

Some Excellent Mondegreens
(What the heck is a monegreen?  Apparently, that term came about from a folk song which describes the death of a noble: “They laid him on the green” sounded like “And Lady Mondegreen” and so the term was coined.)

Maybe Weird Al could use these fine lyrics.
Anyway, these made me giggle:

“Smooth Carburator”
"Carribou Queen"
“Sweet dreams are made of cheese”
It's "Dude Looks Like a Lady," not “Do the dragon lady”!  but I like that one a lot.....
"And now you do what they told ya" not "And now you dig a potato" (Rage Against the Machine)
“Granny Lego, let me go … Chris Miller … Granny Lego, let me go” (Queen)
“Felice navidad” not "Police smell a lot”
"Go go Jason Waterfalls" Did you know that  TLC liked the Power Rangers?
or maybe you've heard this great, hit, "
My sack of rice" by Creed
”S’Cuse Me While I Kiss This Guy”
“reach out and touch faith” not “reach out and suck face”
(CSI themesong) “Who are you?” not “OOOOH Ollie! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!” It's also not “OOOOH WALLY! ;)
“There’s a bad moon on the rise”, not “there’s a bathroom on the right”
“Jungle Love” not “chugalug”
“Take me down to the very last city” (paradise city)
”I’m alone and I’m in between” not ”I’m alone in a manatee!”
“Lead On, Oh Kinky Turtle” (Lead On, Oh King Eternal)
“Let me be your bottom feeder” (Father figure)
“My Sharona”not "RiceARoni"
“Gettin jiggy with it” not "kick a chicken with it"
“a Material Girl” not “I'm a Cheerio Girl”
"Two of Hearts" not “Two Pop Tarts”
“Takin’ Care of Biscuits” or “baking carrot biscuits”
“Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly”
“I can tell you my liver will still be strong... After the poisonous summer is gone.”
You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth criminal -- not a spoon in the mouth.
"Panama" not "Animal" or “Enema”
“Sitting on a duck in Bombay”
“Hold me close, Tony Danza”
“Ducks in the Wind?” (dust in the wind)
“The First Noel” not “The First Snow Owl”

Real: Hey man are you talking back to me? You gotta keep em separated
Misheard: Hey man have you no respect for cheese?  You gotta keep it ‘frigerated
 
My body lies over the ocean, my body lies over the sea, my body lies over the ocean, oh bring back my body to me!


Don't read the rest if you offend easily  :-)

Venus, it's Venus!  ”I’m your Penis, I’m your fire, What’s your desire?”
‘You’re a dickhead to love’ (addicted to love)
“Play that Funky Music” not “Play that F . ing Music”
"second hand emotion" not “what’s love but a second hand in motion”
Wednesday, August 26, 2009

So many hilarious truths in this! Reposting a forward....

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation,​ I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner
Thursday, December 11, 2008

Your Daily Demotivator

They say that ignorance is bliss. But I find that ignorance is only bliss to the ignorant.
Saturday, October 11, 2008

Give me a 10 for Meez Halloween Costume Contest

Why should you vote for me? Because it looks just like the real thing!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Voting

Who should you vote for?
Mitt Romney

38
Hillary Clinton

36
John McCain

30
Mike Huckabee

30
Barack Obama

8
Ron Paul-3

Mike Gravel-24

Your recommendation: Mitt Romney
Party: Republican
Born: 1947, Detroit, Michigan
Family: wife and five children
Career: Boston Consulting Group; CEO, Bain & Company; president and CEO, 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic Games Organizing Committee
Political career: Governor of Massachusetts, 2003-7
Hot topic: A strong America
Did you know? Romney served in France for 30 months as a missionary for the Mormon church; named Mitt from his father's cousin Milton Romney, who played quarterback for the Chicago Bears from 1925 to 1929
Supported by: Pat Boone, Donny Osmond

----------


Mitt Romney
Score: 43
Agree
Immigration
Taxes
Stem-Cell Research
Health Care
Line-Item Veto
Energy
Marriage
Death Penalty
Gun Control
Disagree
Iraq
Abortion
Social Security
Environment
Education

-- Take the Quiz! --

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

What Age Do You Act?

Gee, that's about right. And it's not far off from the truth in numbers, go figure:


You Are 25 Years Old

25

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?
Friday, May 21, 2004

The Punk-o-matic!

I'm so glad I found this old post in my old journal to move into my blog here. Hehe, I love this thing.

Go here,
http://2flashgames.com/f/f-548.htm

after you click on it, (skip the intro) the first thing I do is go to options, change to F for flash quality, and turn those other stupid 3 things OFF.

Go to Load, and the box to paste the code is at the bottom.

Paste in this code:
555-4-222---222---4-3---2---80--6-222---5-4------------------------------------------6-6-7-a---5-8---9---5-6-8---5-9---2---9------b---------------------------------------9-9-3-1---3-5-3-8-3-4-3-4-3-4-8-0---4-9---a------------------------------------------

Hear the nifty song I made!
:D

This is the first one I did and I don't have time to do more, it's time to go to dinner, but I'll make more later. Cuz it's fun!




Okay here's another:

---5-6-0---0-1-780---1---2---1---0---0---2---1---2-2-2-0---9----------------------------0---1---2---3-a-0-4-0-8---9---a-b03-2---0---1---2---a---c---b---------------------52-2-5-3-3-5-6-7-3-2-1-2-0---5-7-7-5-7-6-5-2-5-3-3-5-4-------------------------------



I've never really been a fan of punk, although there are a few songs... like some of Bad Religion's stuff... that I do really like. Being the general avid music fan that I am, I find appreciation in *almost* all kinds, though. ;)

We wish they'd add more effects (drum beats and guitar riffs), and also do this with other types of music. Heck, I'd give 'em a few bucks for it, it's fun. :X