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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Guys, Girls, and Getting along.

Ladies!  (Guys, skip this OK?  There is a whole separate set of advise to you :)

Can I offer my "sagely" advice?  Okay I may be growing a year old this month, but I'm not *that* old yet!  But.. I have lived long enough and listened to enough friends and people to learn at least a FEW things that are helpful to pass along! ;)

First of all, gals, please don't be under the false impression that you can ever CHANGE a man.  (Also, why would you want to?  If you really love the guy, you love him as he is.)  A GUY's preference - let's just face the facts - is to do a LITTLE as possible.  Sometimes when we get settled in, we tend to forget the TRUE nature of the guy, and we expect so much.  You may try and fight and maybe even win a few of your battles but please, don't ever be thinking that you will CHANGE the guy.  It's STILL not going to be important to him (I'm sorry, but it's just NOT!) to put the dishes in the dishwasher, or take the trash out, or put the dirty clothes in the hamper.  He will DO it, because you NAG him to do it.... lol.... so he won't have to HEAR you nag about it anymore.  NOT because he has decided that it's a good idea to do. Okay? LOL! 

Once you have this understanding, it might help you to pick your battles more effectively.  Don't pester him about everything.  Just worry about the things that you really need help on.  He WILL do the things he feels he needs to do and that are important to him.  Let him do those things. 

I am lucky: he does everything in the yard!  I have my flowers and such I tend to but he cuts, weed-eats, and anything of that nature. He cooks.  He DOESN'T clean.  I knew this would be the case.  I clean the house anyway, so when we moved in together, I didn't expect that he'd suddenly start cleaning more, just because of me, lol!  I do ask him to take out the trash, and certain other things: things that I need a hand with.  Things that maybe are outside of his zone of care, but worth my nagging, if need be.  But I am NOT going to nag him about other petty junk. It is important to me, not to him.  He will do things his way and I will do them mine.  If I want something cleaned up faster than he'd get to it, I can just do it myself. :)  Or, I can have patience and wait until he is ready to do it. :P 

Ladies, we read way too much into it sometimes, like thinking he's being lazy, or a slob, or whatever.  I hear various renditions of the same from different folks.  The thing is: he's a GUY!  He is not shirking responsibility in order to have you do all the work instead. He is not ignoring you or expecting that you'll just take care of it all.  Honestly, he is just not as concerned about these kinds of things.  If the house caught on fire, or a pipe burst, THEN he'd be in instant action.  Otherwise, he's going to attend to it.... as the need arises.  He'll wash the dishes when he has exhausted all other options. ;)  He'll wash some clothes if there is nothing at all possible that he can wear, lol!  Okay?  So some of these things you just need to suck it up and do, if you are the type of person who can't stand leaving the dishes dirty, or the clothes basket overflowing.  Do it because you want to do it, not because you're mad that he won't.  You can't change people, and you shouldn't want to.

Hey, maybe you're the type of person who isn't so adamant about it.  Maybe you are both lazy slobs!  ;-D  If so more power to whoever can excuse their way out of the chores the longest!!!  Really.  As for me, I can't help it.  I'm an organizer and a busy bee.  I hate to procrastinate because it bugs me knowing how much I have to do later.  I'd rather do something and get it over with.  So I do the things that I feel are pressing, and I put the things out of my mind's list that HE will be taking care of.  I know they'll get done in time.  Okay, it might not hurt to remind him that tonight is trash night, so he doesn't forget that he can't put it off any longer. ;-D  But don't keep on about it.  If he knows he needs to do it, he will do it.  If you are not a persistent NAG.  Nothing will make a person want to shut down and drown you out faster than being an annoying NAG.  Ever dealt with somebody like that?  Not fun, is it?  Well, don't be one.  Maybe you don't even know you could be.  We all can.  It's a matter of perspective.